You Can Handle It…Right?

You Can Handle It…Right?


So, the NHL playoffs begin tonight and here in Pittsburgh we expect another long run. We anticipate the Penguins to be playing when the weather is hot constantly, not just for a few days. Maybe not this year…The playoffs are over before July and we’re still getting snow in the middle of April.

Of course the Penguins are two time defending Stanley Cup winners and we want a three-peat, which is almost unheard of in the salary cap era. In fact it is unheard of…until now? Let’s just say hypothetically that the Penguins fall short this year. How will you react? Will you say,

“Hey, it’s tough enough to win two in a row and they did that. We should be proud of that.”

Shut up…Of course you won’t say that. This is Pittsburgh after all and we’re spoiled. Nothing short of a championship will do.

Under Coach Mike Sullivan, the Penguins have never lost a round in the playoffs. Now, let’s just say for fun…and it is for fun…don’t write in saying I’m trying to jinx anyone. Anyway, let’s say they would somehow get knocked out of the playoffs. How many of you would be calling for his head? Don’t lie to me…I can hear the talk shows now.

“I think da Penguins aughta get rid a dat Sullovan…”

It can’t happen in the first round. Not against the hated Flyers and the obnoxious Philadelphia fans. You couldn’t find a bigger group of morons. If aliens from another planet landed at a Flyers game, they would go back to their home planet and report there is no intelligent life on earth.

What about the Capitals? OK, it’s an annual rite of passage the Penguins beat Washington in the playoffs. It’s like Penn Dot closing down all routes into Pittsburgh every summer. Plus, it’s nice to keep a jerk like Ovechkin from ever winning a cup.

What about Boston? Oh right, the town where the Patriots roam. Nah, that would be too hard on the digestive system.

Let’s say the Penguins make it to the finals and it’s against Las Vegas…Las Vegas? When the hell did they get a hockey team? Just this year. Expansion teams can’t win in their first year. That would be like the Steelers losing to expansion Jacksonville or the Browns the first year they came back…Oh, that’s right…both of those happened.

Plus, it the Penguins play Vegas, it will be against beloved Marc Andre Fleury. Do you really want to have to say,


In a mocking way?

Let’s just hope Elvis is about to leave the building sixteen more times this year. If he doesn’t, will it bother you? Of course it will. You’ll probably punch a hole in the wall next to the one you did when the Steelers lost against Jacksonville in the playoffs. For now, it’s a hockey night in Pittsburgh. Let’s go Pens!

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