Nutting To Get Excited About

In case you’re not paying attention, and really you shouldn’t be, tomorrow is opening day for the Pittsburgh Pirates. It’s expected to be their third losing season in a row after three playoff appearances. That was after twenty years in a row of losing…and we got our hopes up…and oh, what’s the use.

2015 seems like ages ago doesn’t it? That was the year the Pirates won 98 games and lost the wild card playoff game to the Cubs. How many of you thought they would actually step up in the offseason and try to add a few pieces to go for it in 2016? Yeah, I got suckered into thinking that myself.

We should know better. Anything that can take a few dollars out of the pockets of Bob “Ka-Ching” Nutting, will never happen. There’s nothing we can do about it. More than 60 thousand of us signed a petition asking him to sell the team and he just shrugged it off.

MLB filed a grievance against him because they feel he’s not spending the money he gets from revenue sharing to improve the team. He spends the minimum amount required and not a penny more.

After winning 98 games in 2015, the Pirates cut payroll and won just 78 the next year. Last year they only won 75. So what did they do to improve the team this year? Traded away their best player, Andrew McCutchen and best pitcher Gerrit Cole. Why? Because they were both about to become free agents and get paid the going rate…Goodbye!

So what besides fireworks will lure anyone to games this year? They’re touting the new food items they will be offering. For 6 dollars, you can get a lump of unbaked cookie dough. You would think for six bucks they could bake them. Hey, ovens cost money. Ka-Ching!

They will also be catering to the vegan crowd. For sixteen dollars, you can get a meatless meatball sandwich. Yes, you read that right, meatless meatball. Isn’t meat what actually makes it a meatball? Let’s try an equation,

Meatball – meat = ball (Meatball minus meat equals ball)

This means for sixteen bucks, you can get a ball sandwich. Top that off with a lump of cookie dough and you won’t care about the score. Just where the nearest restroom is.

They will also be offering something called “Pittsburgh Paella.” Well, of course. Paella is a ballpark staple. Isn’t that how the song goes?

“Buy me Paella and Crackerjack.”

I’m sorry, I jumped off the bandwagon and I’m not jumping back on. Even if this team shows promise and hope for the future, what good does it do? Any decent player will be traded within a few years. Josh Bell…gone! Jamison Taillon…gone! Before the end of this season, Jordy Mercer will be gone, even if the Pirates are somehow in contention for a playoff spot.

He’s a free agent after this season and we know how that goes. They have nobody behind him to take over the position of shortstop, but that doesn’t matter. All that matters is, “Ka-Ching!”

Maybe, before they trade him, they can work out a long term deal and pay him what decent hitting, good fielding shortstops are getting…Ha, Ha…Do you see what I did there? Pay a guy, c’mon.

The Pirates will open the season with a high number, 13 pitchers. This makes it seem like they don’t think the ones they have will be very good. If that’s the case, then why did you trade away your best pitcher…Yeah, I know.

So go to the game if you must. Put money into this owner’s pockets. Just think about what you may be getting into.

Imagine, it’s a hot sticky July night. The Pirates are already on their eighth pitcher, and it’s only the third inning. You’re hungry, but the Paella guy hasn’t shown up in your section yet. You hear him,

“Hey Paella, get your Paella here.”

But can’t see him anywhere.

The only reason you’re there is because of the special promotion where 9 lucky fans are chosen to each play one inning at shortstop. You’re surrounded by people munching on lumps and balls. Is it really worth the aggravation?

Not for me, I say,

“Thanks for Nutting!”