Ready to Work Out?

I have to thank my friend Mary MacAllen of the world famous Mary Mac Bakehouse for this week’s aggravation. She was kind enough…or maybe aggravating enough to send me a video about something called Napercise.

Yeah, you read that right, Napercise. It’s a new chain of boutique fitness centers…at least what they want you to believe…with a new kind of workout.

The one hour workout involves a fifteen minute workout and then a forty-five minute nap. Is this the best way to get in shape or what? Their claim is that when you lay down, you will be soothed by cooling air and relaxing music. You know, because you can’t turn up the air conditioning and put on mood music while you sleep at home.

Apparently, this soothing environment helps burn calories while you sleep. My question is, how soothing can this be? You’re in a room with other people who are also napercizing. At least a few of them are going to snore, which is aggravating. Of course snoring may be the worst of your problems.

What if a few of these people are on a high fiber diet? What if the person napercizing next to you becomes flatulent? Sure, they’re exercising some muscles but the lack of oxygen to you can’t help your workout.

How much nap are you getting in forty-five minutes? It takes me at least fifteen minutes to get into the right comfort zone before I can doze off. Plus, you probably will drink some water after the fifteen minute actual workout, so now you have to get up to take a leak. I guess you could just lay there and try to hold it in, that might actually burn more calories. You just won’t be sleeping.

If you can get people to believe they are working out by sleeping, I have a few new ways to take money from morons.

Telecise.

What this involves, is you pay me a large fee to become a member. The fitness center will be filled with couches and televisions. Then, I will lead you to believe you’re burning calories by using the remote.

If that one sounds too intense, you can sign up for my forkasice program. By eating larger portions, you will use more arm and fork movement, which will burn off more calories as you eat. We will use hand foods like pizza with extra toppings. The extra toppings will make the pizza heavier, so you will be building muscle while you eat.

Hey, if people believe their getting in shape by napping, they’ll believe anything. Now if you’ll excuse me…I have to lie down and work out.